


Silent as a Smile

by amy494walker



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:18:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amy494walker/pseuds/amy494walker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hotch drives Garcia home after the end scenes of 'Penelope'. Post ep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent as a Smile

The chill of the air made it hard for Penelope to take the deep cleansing breath she so needed. Of all the endings she could  have imagined for today, her baby girl having to kill someone was the last thing she would have ever wanted. She knew that JJ  would be okay, that she knew she had only done what needed to be done, but it could still be a struggle getting to that point  and Garcia was going to be there for her. Anytime she needed.  Just like the team had been there for her. JJ doing what she did, Morgan staying the night with her, Reid trying so hard to smile for her and cheer her up when she was in the hospital  bed, Emily's gentle and caring prodding keeping her from sinking into self-pity and reminding her to focus on taking the guy down and Rossi, who had taken his position as newest and therefore most emotionally distant of the group to give her the  (metaphorical) slap in the face she needed and helped break the case.  
  
Then there was Hotch, who was currently sitting behind the wheel of his car driving her back from the BAU. Garcia couldn't pinpoint any one _particular_ thing that Hotch had done, he had ordered the team to work her case and her's alone but other  than that he had just sort of ... been there. The stoic calmness that seemed to follow him around, the same stoicism that used to intimidate her now was the thing she found herself most grateful for. He had just been this presence that she felt completely and utterly safe and content with. She wondered how he did that, Reid had mentioned something about an alpha male personality before but it had to be more than that because it wasn't just external threats that Hotch chased away. Her own  thoughts had a hard time being too dark or nasty or frightful when he was around.  
  
Looking back at him she felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for him just being ... _him_. This is a man who is _so_ loyal, _so_   kind and caring and _so_ damn strong and it seems he never get's any kind of credit or praise for it. Instead he get's a wife  who leaves him, a boss who's constantly riding him for absolutely no reason other than her own sense of professional  inadequacy and he get's to go home after a long day in hell to an empty house and only get's to see his son on weekends. It  breaks her heart that this amazing man has no idea how wonderful he is, he's never been made to see himself in that light.  
  
"Thank you, Hotch. For everything." she says and god it's not enough. Especially since he seems not to take it the way she  intended.  
  
"It was a team effort, and we would do it again. You're precious to this unit Penelope, we'd do anything to keep you safe."  There was a small tilt to his lips as he said those words, a warm smile or at least an attempt at one, almost as though he  has forgotten how to.  
  
"I'd do anything to keep you safe too sir," She said, quickly adding, "all of you."  
  
She asked herself why she had felt the need to add that part and she promptly answered _'Maybe because you're sat here crushing on your boss and you don't want him to know?'_   Yup, that would do it. She had always thought of Hotch as incredibly attractive, all tall dark and handsome, and had always had a little bit of a crush on him but why this seemed to be coming to the surface now baffled her. Maybe it was the whole near death experience thing. Or maybe it was because as long as a man like him was in her life, no amount of sicko serial killers with guns could make a girl forget that good men still did exist.  
  
Snapping out of her thoughts she heard Hotch let out a charming little chuckle as he said, "I know you would."  
  
"We're here." Hotch said after a few moments and pulled up to the curb outside her courtyard.  
  
"Thank you for the ride home, sir. I guess I'll see you in two weeks." she smiled as she reached for the door handle only to feel a rather sharp pain bolt  up her chest. Taking a second to catch her breath she was startled when her door opened and revealed a concerned looking  Hotch. Garcia looked behind her to make sure the unit chief didn't have equally as chivalrous doppelgangers running around Virginia only to see the drivers side door open.  
  
"I didn't even hear you get out." she grumbled as she allowed him to ease her  onto the street.  
  
"Agony caused by unnecessary exertion will do that. I was coming to help you out, you should have waited." he gently chided.  
  
Grinning sheepishly she replied, "I thought I could do it by myself."  
  
With an arm around her shoulder and hers around his ( _'firm, toned'_ ) waist ( _'stop that Penelope'_ ) he guided her through the garden up to her door.  
,  
"The point of my bringing you home is that you didn't _have_ to do it by your self."  
  
As they started up the stairs Garcia bit her lip and said, "I know but I just feel like I've been a bit of burden on all of you for the past few days and I don't like feeling that way."  
  
Seeing by Hotch's face that he was about to protest she amended, "I know you guys don't see me that way, but I can't help but feel like that." They had reached her door and she furrowed in her bag for he keys and handed them to Hotch.  
  
He waited until she was sat comfortably on her couch before sitting on the coffee table before her and taking both of her hands then said, "Garcia, you could never and will never be a burden to us. Tell me you understand that."  
  
He was looking her straight in the eyes and she couldn't believe how blind she had been to the beauty of those eyes. When you where really looking at them they where a lot bigger that they seemed, and kind of shiny. They reminded her of anime eyes. She could see the sincerity in them, the emotion and she felt something in her chest constrict and knew it had nothing to do with her gun shot wound. _'When did this escalate to feelings? Come on Penelope, don't do this'_  
  
It wasn't just that she was insecure in herself, though in many ways she was, it's just that even if they didn't work together, Aaron Hotchner in general was classified 'untouchable.' He had been married to the woman he had been with his entire adult life and after the marriage broke down he never let anyone get too close. Even friends.  
  
Almost physically shaking her head back into reality she finally answered the question, "Yeah, yeah of course I know that." and tried reassuring him with a smile but he had to have noticed the rather lengthy hesitation and she couldn't exactly explain  it _'Oh no, I totally know I'm not a burden I just got lost in the splendor of your eyes and busied myself thinking of all the reasons my sudden romantic feelings are a bad idea. No biggie'_  
  
He raised an eyebrow in question and she give a sad smile, "I do, really. I'm just ... crashed for the day," raising a teasing eyebrow of her own she joked, "Ask again later." He seemed a little less than satisfied with that answer but he allowed a little twitch of the lips that on anyone else would have been nothing but from Hotch these days was practically a giggling fit. Her hands where still in his and as she fought down the tingles she felt rising he patted her hand and asked if there was anything else she needed.  
  
"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna make some tea and sit down to some old movies." She said, patting her faithful old projector. As Hotch got up she assumed it was to leave but was surprised when he instead headed for the kitchen.  
  
"Where do you keep you're teabags?" He called in from the other room  
  
"Oh you don't have to ..." Her words where cut short when Hotch rather adorably popped his head around the corner to fix her  with an only semi-serious scowl, "Cupboard on the left, thank you." she amended with a bright grin which, much to her surprise and delight, he actually returned before heading back in. A real, full grin. Her traitorous insides flipped a little and she decided she really needed to get a boyfriend. That Kevin guy was pretty cute. He was no Aaron Hotchner but then nobody really was.  
  
After a few minutes he returned with a lovely hot cup of tea and placed it down on the table before giving her a quick glance over.  
  
"Do you want me to get you you're comforter so you don't get cold? It's going to be a few below tonight." he was frowning and  looked very concerned, it was really cute. Garcia however decided that this needed to stop now. She couldn't let this  out-of-the-blue infatuation get any further. What if they where out on a case and she couldn't focus on getting the info they needed because she was too worried about Hotch?  
  
She was about to answer in the negative when Hotch apparently decided that it couldn't hurt to just go get it anyway so she  was left sat there silently fretting over some way to get Hotch to leave. And some way to quiet that silly voice inside her  that didn't want him to leave. Because truthfully, she was still a little freaked out. She knew he was dead but what if he  had a partner, what if they decided to come after her for revenge. She couldn't even open a car door she doubted she could  fight off an attack. She thought about what it had been like to feel her insides torn apart. She had felt herself going cold. She had felt herself die, she couldn't bear to feel that again.  
  
She jumped and let out a shriek as she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see that Hotch had come back from the bedroom with the comforter and had caught her freaking out. He was now sat beside her on the couch patiently waiting for her  to tell him what was wrong.  
  
She started to laugh it off but the look he was giving her made her stop. He was _not_ going to buy it and he was only  concerned, "It's just ... are you sure he didn't have a partner?" She had expected some feeble reassurance that "No of course  not, you're going to be fine" but instead he tilted his head and looked somewhere over her shoulder.  
  
"Battle was an Angel of Death who's MO was committing hero-homicide. Those personality types are almost exclusively  narcissists who believe that they are not getting the respect and admiration they deserve. They consider themselves superior  to everyone around them and would find in incredibly hard if not impossible to share credit with another person, instead  believing they could do everything themselves without the need for help from lesser minds. The chances of someone with this  personality disorder working with a partner are incredibly slim."  
  
She stared at him for a full 10 seconds with wide eyes before saying, "That ... actually made me feel better," before allowing  a teasing hint into her voice, "Reid." and was positively delighted when that caused him to laugh.  
  
"Hey, I'm a profiler too you know. It's not all about genius boy." and now Garcia was laughing with him, "Listen if you'd like, I can stay for a while. I don't mind." he said with a kind smile. She was about to tell him that it was  okay she'd be fine. But the truth was she wanted him to stay. For a number of reasons.  
  
And so she rather sheepishly said, "Well only if you don't mind. I mean if you have work or something that needs to be done then it's no big deal I just ..." and not  for the first time today, her sentence with cut off with a look at Hotch whose eyebrows where raised and a slight curve to his lips as though he was just waiting for her to realize he hadn't, didn't and wouldn't mind and so she simply pursed her lips and nodded. Standing up Hotch began to tuck the comforter around her and her giggles of embarrassment turned to ones of  amusement when the effort Hotch was having to put into not smiling made it clear he was intentionally tucking her in as  tightly as he could to taunt her. In response she swatted his arm lightly and he finally sat down next to her with one of  those lovely little laughs. It made her proud to know that in the short time he had been here, his smile had gradually gotten bigger and more genuine.  
  
"So what are we watching?" He asked as he made himself comfortable.  
  
"Mmm let's see," She said looking to see what movie was already in the projector next to her, "The Kid? Charlie Chaplin raising  a child during the depression?" Upon his odd look she clarified, "It's a comedy. It is really funny. And moving."  
  
"Sure." He agreed with a nod and after having to convince him that despite the rather gloomy first few minutes it really was a comedy, they sat back to enjoy the flick.  
  
Initially Garcia had been grateful that a comedy had been in the projector because she hoped that it would take her mind off her fears and the unwelcome butterflies in her stomach but now she was grateful because it had allowed her to bear witness to  the most amazing sound on the planet. Hotch's laugh. Not his chuckle, or his giggle. His fully fledged and completely loopy laugh. It was like a sing song chorus of clowns dancing. She couldn't explain it any other way. And she never would have expected a sound like that to come from her stern boss' mouth.  
  
When the words 'The End' appeared on the screen, Hotch moved to clear away some of the bowls of snacks they had accumulated throughout the movie. As he was doing so he said, "Man they really knew how to do a happy ending back then huh? And that kid, was so cute."  
  
Garcia smiled and replied, "I know, he reminded me so much of little Jack."  
  
Watching as he cleaned up she couldn't help but feel a little weird about it. "Hotch please, you've done enough. Let me get that tomorrow."  
  
With an arm full of bowls he simply turned to face her and, with a completely straight face, said, "Charity, to some a chore, to others ..." he trailed off raising an expectant brow.  
  
"..A joy" she beamed shaking her head. She could not begin to explain how much she was enjoying this side of Hotch. The one that usually only came out in tiny little blink-and-you'll-miss-them moments before getting right back to work. As he came  back in he grabbed the comforter from around her with a sly grin making her squeak at the sudden rush of cold air and took it back into her  bedroom for her. She had given up protesting at this point. When Hotch came back out Garcia had managed to stand up all on her own.  
  
"Thank you Hotch, for everything, you are too good of a friend."  
  
Smiling back at her he just asked, "Are you  sure you're going to be okay on your own?" and at her amused scoff he defended, "Hey, I'm a worrier. Always have been always will be, indulge me will you?"  
  
"I'll be fine, honestly," she took a breath before continuing, "You really are too nice of a guy for your own good you know.  Giving up your whole evening."  
  
He just smiled, "You're making it sound like this has been some sacrifice on my part. I had a lot of fun."  
  
"Well it was greatly appreciated." she said reaching out to rub his arm. Hotch looked down and Garcia could have sworn she saw a blush which was preposterous because SSA Hotchner did not blush.  
  
She didn't have the slightest idea what had gotten into her and made her step forward and pull Hotch into a tight hug. All she knew was that Hotch hugged her back. With his face buried in her hair she heard him whisper, "Don't scare me like that again, okay?"  
  
"Promise." She whispered back.  
  
They stayed like that for a long moment before pulling back but not all the way. They still had their arms wrapped around each other and as she looked up once again into those deep, beautiful eyes, she didn't have the time to contemplate getting lost in them again as Hotch blinked his eyes closed and lowered his head to press a firm yet soft kiss to her lips. Garcia felt all the air rush out of her body. She hadn't expected his lips to be so warm and soft and she let slip a gentle sigh.  
  
Hotch then raised a hand up to lightly touch her cheek and made a quite "Mmm." sound and Garcia's own hands found themselves  clutching his shirt. As their lips began to move against one another she felt Hotch ever so gently suck on her bottom lip causing her to tighten her grip on his shirt. Then as soon as it had began, she felt Hotch move away. She had expected him to be frantic with regret but instead, when she looked up she saw him blush again, more so this time, look at the floor and ..  did Hotch just giggle?  
  
"Penelope, I'm sorry," He said softly, "That was ... " Forcing himself to meet he eyes Hotch, with rosy red cheeks, finished,  "..Unprofessional."  
  
"I don't mind." Was the immediate response from Garcia because that had to have been simultaneously the most innocent and most soul searing kisses she had ever had. Looking down again, Hotch seemed to be at a loss for words.  
  
Finally clearing his throat he said in that same soft voice, like he didn't want to risk ruining the moment, "I should probably go." Garcia just nodded,  ignoring the part of her mind telling her to ask him to stay. If anything was going to come of this, she was damn well going  to do it right.  
  
Bringing himself to look her in the eyes one more time, he struggled not to grin and turned towards the door turning back only to wish her a good night.  
  
"Goodnight Hotch, I'll see you in two weeks." She was proud of herself for managing to keep her voice mostly even.  
  
"Call me Aaron, please," He said, still too shy to meet her gaze for more than a second or two, " and I was .. going to visit," before quickly adding, "I mean  if that's okay, I could just .. "  
  
"That would be great. Aaron." Smiling again Hotch turned and walked quickly out of the door.  
  
Garcia went into the bedroom and saw that Hotch had not only put her comforter back over her bed but had also turned one corner down allowing her easy access to the bed and arranged her pillows so as to be more comfortable for her injury. Garcia very nearly swooned.  
  
As she lay in bed she thought back over the strange behavior exhibited by the Unit Chief and decided to add a little profiling mojo after all, both counseling victims families and her natural ability to read people gave her quite the edge in that department.  
  
Hotch was a very strong man who didn't like to appear weak to anyone but would often make exceptions for the people close to him, letting his guard down a little. The Hotch she had seen tonight had to have had his WAY down which made her feel kind of warm inside. As for the extremely well hidden shy side of the man, well, that one was easy. He had probably only ever really been with the one woman and had been with her since high school which meant that poor, adult Hotch had absolutely no clue whatsoever about how to act around a woman he likes without reverting back to that teenage awkwardness. The fact that she was apparently the woman he liked made her feel warm and tingly enough that, despite what she had been anticipating, she fell asleep rather easily that night and enjoyed a nightmare free night.  
  


___________________________________

  


The next afternoon, Garcia was eating chips in front of the TV when a knock at the door sounded. Making sure to check the  peephole fist she cautiously opened the door only to see a man with a beautiful bouquet of yellow and white flowers. Signing for them and tipping the delivery man, she carried the vase carefully over to the table and took out and read the card and  the smile that lit up her face threatened to outshine the flowers.

 

_The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.  
\- Charlie Chaplin_

Hope you feel better soon.

Aaron Hotchner.


End file.
